Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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