My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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