dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize