me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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