I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize