is your mom at the bar?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my liver is dry heaving
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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