the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize