I need to stop coming to work sober
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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