Im at strip club and am horny
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
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