if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize