I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize