Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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