After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So many bounce houses so little time
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I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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