And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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