my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize