I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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