I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
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Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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