my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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