well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
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I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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