I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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