last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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