If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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