But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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