Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize