now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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