I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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