took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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