Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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