i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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