remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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