Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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