Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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