I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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