Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
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I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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