OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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