Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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