i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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