i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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