I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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