Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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