Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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