i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize