I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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