***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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