I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize