cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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