I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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