Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you win again, gameday.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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