Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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