The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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