And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize